Saturday, October 18, 2014

Choose a job you love....

How does the ol' saying go?

"Choose a job you love, and you'll never work a day in your life." 

I think?

Any who, you get the just of it.

I heard it said on the radio or  somewhere between a child yelling "Mom.....Mom.....Mom....MOM!" (Even though I had already answered her with a "yes, dear." or a "What, love.") and cleaning.

And I thought to myself. Yeah, unless you are a mom. And it was filled with sarcasm and disdain.

And immediately after that I heard myself say, (out loud, before I even knew I had thunk the thought)

"Because being a mom is a calling, not a job."

Whoa! What? How did I..? Wait...what? I was a little breathless.

 I'm sure it was Holy Ghost reminding (if not chastising) me for thinking something as sacred as a calling to motherhood could be as trivial as a "job". At least in an eternal perspective.

A calling I feel like I continually fall short of. A calling that I pray daily for strength and for guidance. A calling that is the hardest thing I have EVER done or will do.

I don't know why, but I have never felt "at ease" in motherhood. I don't know that its ever come naturally. I have never felt comfortable that I am a stay at home mom. I've never felt like I'm doing enough as a mom and/or a wife. I have never been comfortable with the fact that I don't contribute monetarily to the family.

I worked when Jackson was very little. And I cried nearly everyday that I had to drop him off at the babysitters. Even when it was my mother-in-law caring for him. I cried. Because all I wanted to do was be a stay at home mom. When Dylan came along was when my husband and I decided that I should take the big leap. I've been out of the workforce for five years now. It seems strange.

There is no way of knowing, or calculating the endless hours of work and worry and love that goes into being a mom. Even when I sleep I dream about my kids and saving them from bad people. (Thank you crime TV)

My mom tells me its because I cant tangibly measure it. There isn't someone there to say, "hey, you are doing a great job. Here is a raise." or better yet "here is a super power". Motherhood is an endurance, long haul, reap the rewards later kind of thing. I am very much a "results now" type person.

I hope this isn't coming across as a pity party type deal. I have been thinking about this for about a week and just need to get it out of my head.

I am blessed that I have four beautiful little people who are in my care and call me Mom. I love them with all my heart and soul. Each day I cant wait for the boys to get home from school. For Dylan to run down the stairs and into my arms with the biggest hug and smile. For Jackson to flash his blue/green eyes at me and ask me if he can play catch with his buddies. For Livvey to look at me through her eyelashes and plant a giant kiss on my face just because. And to hear little Lizzie in her tiny little princess voice say "thanks mom!" when I tell her she can eat her orange outside.

"Anything worth doing is hard." I don't know who said it but it continues to pop into my head when I think on this subject.

So I leave it at that. Whether you are a mother in a traditional household, working mother, single mother or want to be a mother. It is hard. And anything worth doing is hard.

Motherhood is definitely worth it.

1 comment:

d.a.b.e said...

I haven't been on my blog in years but i came to check on what I missed and i am thankful to have read this post. Sometimes we think no one else knows how we feel as moms or how hard it really is. The rewards and satisfaction in it though, is unmatched. You look to be a wonderful mom and your children are adorable.